I'm not a good 'be still'-er

I'm not a good 'be still'-er.  I like to be busy doing and thinking and planning and praying.  If I can't be doing, then I can be planning.  If I don't know what plans to work with, I can pray.  If none of those are working for me, I can just think a lot which leads to some form of doing.  In short, I have a really hard time being still.

 

I have always been a little perplexed by Psalm 46:10 'Be still, and know that I am God'. 

 

I'm a choleric melancholy - I want to see results and I want to see them in a logical organized way.  The world being all jumbled up by unknowns is unsettling to me.  And waiting?  Ha!  I'm not good at being still.

 

But...

 

God is and has been telling me to be still.  (Insert whine) 'But I'm not GOOD at being still, Jesus' I tell him frequently.  And in return I hear 'Be still.' 

 

How is that for organized results?

So, I have been trying hard to be still and by the measure of me, I think I'm doing well.  I get off track some days and falsely believe that it's all up to me.  It's not.

Over and over and over and over God is showing me that some of the biggest things I'm struggling to be still about are the things that were never mine to do anything about to begin with.  God is working.  I'm trusting. 

And trying like heck to be still.

But I'm really not a good 'be still'-er, you know?