Choosing Light
I refuse to surrender to the darkness that threatens to get me. I am not going there again. I'm smarter this time, having been there before. I know what my biggest needs are and I'm working on meeting them. And I'm clinging to Jesus like crazy!
Most of my life I have dealt with the blues. When seasons change and weekends often seem to be the times that I am most affected by them. The winter after Miss E was born it really hit me - as full blown depression. The really crazy thing about that time in my life is that I thought that I was perfectly fine and it was everyone else who had a problem. After getting help, thanks to my mom who pretty much delivered me to the doctor, I discovered that the unbearable pain in my body didn't have to be there, that sleeping all night long and being tired all day long wasn't normal and that never feeling happy about anything wasn't a good place to be. Within just a few weeks I was full of energy and ready to live life again.
I didn't take anything while I was pregnant with Smiley Girl and did quite well - but I had been warned by a fellow mom who understands first hand the path that I was on to be vigilant about the symptoms during the postpartum period. Within just a few days of Smiley Girl's birth I realized that I needed help again.
And so that brings me to now - I take an anti-depressant daily and it is the lowest dose you can get. The doctor has told me that I can up it if I feel like I need to - but most days I feel quite capable and on top of things. It's only when I'm extremely tired or under a lot of pressure that I start feeling that darkness hanging over me. Over the last couple of weeks I feel like it wouldn't take much for me to end up 'there' again.
But I am not going there again! And thankfully I know myself well enough to know that there are some things that I can do to help myself. So in the coming days and weeks I will be:
***If you or someone you love suffers from depression I urge you to seek help. Symptoms of depression can be found here.
Most of my life I have dealt with the blues. When seasons change and weekends often seem to be the times that I am most affected by them. The winter after Miss E was born it really hit me - as full blown depression. The really crazy thing about that time in my life is that I thought that I was perfectly fine and it was everyone else who had a problem. After getting help, thanks to my mom who pretty much delivered me to the doctor, I discovered that the unbearable pain in my body didn't have to be there, that sleeping all night long and being tired all day long wasn't normal and that never feeling happy about anything wasn't a good place to be. Within just a few weeks I was full of energy and ready to live life again.
I didn't take anything while I was pregnant with Smiley Girl and did quite well - but I had been warned by a fellow mom who understands first hand the path that I was on to be vigilant about the symptoms during the postpartum period. Within just a few days of Smiley Girl's birth I realized that I needed help again.
And so that brings me to now - I take an anti-depressant daily and it is the lowest dose you can get. The doctor has told me that I can up it if I feel like I need to - but most days I feel quite capable and on top of things. It's only when I'm extremely tired or under a lot of pressure that I start feeling that darkness hanging over me. Over the last couple of weeks I feel like it wouldn't take much for me to end up 'there' again.
But I am not going there again! And thankfully I know myself well enough to know that there are some things that I can do to help myself. So in the coming days and weeks I will be:
- Starting my day with Jesus. In essence, securing my own oxygen mask first!
- Not packing so much into our schedule. You can only live at a frantic pace for so long!
- Limiting time and interaction with people who in suck the life out of me.
- Limiting the time spent I spend online, and making sure that I'm doing the things that matter when I am online rather than mindless clicking.
- Living life with my kids. Reading books, creating, taking walks, playing outside. Doing life with them!
- Eating better and maintaining healthy sleep habits.
***If you or someone you love suffers from depression I urge you to seek help. Symptoms of depression can be found here.
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