Just a girl.

I click my way through cyber space, trying to find comfort.  Rest.

I find avoidance and worry instead.

Avoiding the fact that I need to sleep but can't.

Avoiding the fact that God has asked me to give up involvement in a ministry and finding that losing my identity there is a little hard to grasp.

Avoiding the fact that I don't know a workable plan for the coming day.  I need to work today.  Tim wants to work today.  Who trumps who in this new stage of life?

Facts and details run through my head.  My brain just wants rest.  My body needs it.  Instead I am confronted with a million and one thoughts that I can't turn off.

Restless.  Tired.  Lost...?

In the greater scheme of things, no.  I'm not lost.  I know for a fact that God has a plan and purpose for me.  I even know mostly what it is but grapple with the day to day with what fulfilling that promise, that plan and figuring out what obedience for each new day 'looks' like.

I feel lost in that I lack a definition.

I'm not a 'stay at home mom', I'm not fully a 'working mom'.  I'm no longer the truck drivers wife and secretary.  I'm no longer MOPS Coordinator.

I'm just a girl, who struggles with balance and purpose.
I'm just a wife, wanting to honor my husband and be loved by him.
I'm just a mom, who struggles to balance little hearts with daily demands.
I'm just a friend, who doesn't have a lot of time for friendships but longs for them just the same.

I'm just a sinner, saved by grace, living in a world that I wasn't made for.