Five square feet, hidden chocolate and Surprise! I'm not Superwoman
It's been a week and a half since I poured my heart out over a coffee date and truthfully, I'm not sure where to begin blogging again. Part of me wants to share the funnies of life - like that Miss E was so over tired last night that she literally ran eight laps around our house before getting in the bathtub. Or that I woke up yesterday morning to a house that was 63 degrees 'warm' because Miss E had pushed the button on the thermostat that takes it from 'heat' to 'a/c'. Then there is the Ziploc bag of Easter candy that she has apparently been hiding in her play kitchen since Easter. And during the night last night I woke up to Smiley Girl talking in her sleep - she put both arms in the air, signed and said 'All done', "Uh-oh" and "Owwwww" all in one sleep filled moment. Not quite what I expected to see from my sleeping baby. :) Oh, and she has learned to growl. It's pretty funny!
Part of me would like to discuss the profound - like that this house has a total of one thousand and forty square feet in it and that at any given moment there are only about five square feet being lived in because wherever I am, my children are there as well. Doesn't matter if it's sitting in a chair, using the computer, cooking or pooping, I never have to fear loneliness.
I struggle, even after being a mom for nearly four years, with the way that my house constantly looks. You know, played in, cooked in, lived in...by what feels like a family of farm animals who happen to wear incredibly large amounts of clothing. It used to be that I would work all week, spend Saturday cleaning the house, the greater part of a Sunday worshiping and resting and then the cycle would start all over again with the house largely staying clean/picked up until around Wednesday. I kid you not, today the place could be *SPOTLESS* and within FIVE SECONDS something would will have changed to cause it to begin it's downward spiral to chaos and un-cleanliness. Sometimes it just feels pointless to even try.
Don't even get me started on kids clothing...I can't help but wonder if boys play with their clothes in any way shape or form the way that girls do? Seriously, Miss E will wear about five outfits in any given day. It starts with pajamas, turns into either pants and a shirt or a dress with about fifteen accessories. Before noon that outfit has either turned colors or been traded for another. (I'm never quite sure what goes on.) And on it goes until bedtime. I could literally follow behind the girl all day and never stop picking up clothing. Smiley Girl is getting in on the fun now by attempting to put on any piece of clothing that she finds in her path. Most recently she has figured out how to put on a tutu, which she will put over her pajamas or whatever she is wearing. She also likes to wear TDM's socks, which makes quite the sight.
Another profound-ity is that no matter what I post to my Facebook wall, someone will take it out of the context in which I mean it. And I'm too lazy I suppose to bother explaining what I did mean. And my perfectly melancholy personality makes it really, really hard to not want/need to explain it.
Our speaker at MOPS today asked for an example of someone who has said something that really hurt your feelings at some point in life...and I was a little surprised at myself to discover that I honestly couldn't think of a single thing. I know that it isn't because someone has never said something bad. I think it has a lot more to do with perspective. I tend to not let a lot of what other people say about me affect me. I KNOW who I am because of my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and, while it is nice to have someone from this worlds approval from time to time, it isn't necessary to my survival. That's pretty liberating to think about.
Sunday's message at church was exactly what I needed to hear as TDM and I have been contemplating a rather big decision. In a nutshell, it is the story of the Israelites and Joshua & Caleb from Numbers 13 and 14 where the Israelites blew their one chance at the Promised Land because they were afraid. As TDM and I have contemplated this decision I have struggled with a lot of emotions and fear is a big one. I want to have faith that God will work out the details but to me they are giant Giants in an unfamiliar land. God can conquer those giants...and will if this is His plan and His timing. My job is to be a willing participant as He unfolds His plan. That's pretty liberating too, in a scary placing-my-future-in-someone-else's-hands kind of way. After all, I'm just human. And, no, we aren't leaving the area, having more kids or anything else that big. It's just big for us and that's all that I have to say about it for now.
In other news, a sweet friend told me last week that I'm not superwoman and that it's okay to just be silly, fallible me. She also reminded me that I don't have to explain myself when I set healthy boundaries where it comes to other people demanding from me, which if I could actually embrace that theory it would be very freeing. I am blessed to have this friend and am so thankful for the way that she can often cut through the mire and hit the real problem head on. God put us together. That's the only way that I can explain it...
He's good to his kids like that...
Part of me would like to discuss the profound - like that this house has a total of one thousand and forty square feet in it and that at any given moment there are only about five square feet being lived in because wherever I am, my children are there as well. Doesn't matter if it's sitting in a chair, using the computer, cooking or pooping, I never have to fear loneliness.
I struggle, even after being a mom for nearly four years, with the way that my house constantly looks. You know, played in, cooked in, lived in...by what feels like a family of farm animals who happen to wear incredibly large amounts of clothing. It used to be that I would work all week, spend Saturday cleaning the house, the greater part of a Sunday worshiping and resting and then the cycle would start all over again with the house largely staying clean/picked up until around Wednesday. I kid you not, today the place could be *SPOTLESS* and within FIVE SECONDS something would will have changed to cause it to begin it's downward spiral to chaos and un-cleanliness. Sometimes it just feels pointless to even try.
Don't even get me started on kids clothing...I can't help but wonder if boys play with their clothes in any way shape or form the way that girls do? Seriously, Miss E will wear about five outfits in any given day. It starts with pajamas, turns into either pants and a shirt or a dress with about fifteen accessories. Before noon that outfit has either turned colors or been traded for another. (I'm never quite sure what goes on.) And on it goes until bedtime. I could literally follow behind the girl all day and never stop picking up clothing. Smiley Girl is getting in on the fun now by attempting to put on any piece of clothing that she finds in her path. Most recently she has figured out how to put on a tutu, which she will put over her pajamas or whatever she is wearing. She also likes to wear TDM's socks, which makes quite the sight.
Another profound-ity is that no matter what I post to my Facebook wall, someone will take it out of the context in which I mean it. And I'm too lazy I suppose to bother explaining what I did mean. And my perfectly melancholy personality makes it really, really hard to not want/need to explain it.
Our speaker at MOPS today asked for an example of someone who has said something that really hurt your feelings at some point in life...and I was a little surprised at myself to discover that I honestly couldn't think of a single thing. I know that it isn't because someone has never said something bad. I think it has a lot more to do with perspective. I tend to not let a lot of what other people say about me affect me. I KNOW who I am because of my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and, while it is nice to have someone from this worlds approval from time to time, it isn't necessary to my survival. That's pretty liberating to think about.
Sunday's message at church was exactly what I needed to hear as TDM and I have been contemplating a rather big decision. In a nutshell, it is the story of the Israelites and Joshua & Caleb from Numbers 13 and 14 where the Israelites blew their one chance at the Promised Land because they were afraid. As TDM and I have contemplated this decision I have struggled with a lot of emotions and fear is a big one. I want to have faith that God will work out the details but to me they are giant Giants in an unfamiliar land. God can conquer those giants...and will if this is His plan and His timing. My job is to be a willing participant as He unfolds His plan. That's pretty liberating too, in a scary placing-my-future-in-someone-else's-hands kind of way. After all, I'm just human. And, no, we aren't leaving the area, having more kids or anything else that big. It's just big for us and that's all that I have to say about it for now.
In other news, a sweet friend told me last week that I'm not superwoman and that it's okay to just be silly, fallible me. She also reminded me that I don't have to explain myself when I set healthy boundaries where it comes to other people demanding from me, which if I could actually embrace that theory it would be very freeing. I am blessed to have this friend and am so thankful for the way that she can often cut through the mire and hit the real problem head on. God put us together. That's the only way that I can explain it...
He's good to his kids like that...
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