Coffee Date

This 'Coffee Date' idea isn't an original one but I feel like it's just what I need today.  So here goes...

Come on in!  I don't have coffee on because I don't drink coffee.  But since TDM does we have everything we need and I would be happy to make a pot if you trust a non-coffee drinking person to make it.  Otherwise I will show you the supplies and let you have at it.  Please ignore the fact that you can't find the kitchen counters under all of the dirty dishes and Easter paraphernalia.  We had company late last night and I haven't found the energy to clean it all up yet.

As we sit down we might chat about our weekends, telling each other about the highlights.  For our family it was an exceptionally busy weekend that actually started on Thursday when my dad had shoulder surgery and my father in law had a birthday party.  Saturday our kids enjoyed a community Easter egg hunt and then some rare time away from each other since Miss E went to hang out with her favorite Uncle Pedro and Smiley Girl stayed home to help me cook.  Sunday was packed with Easter breakfast at church, church, a family dinner, naps and then a 'Family Easter Thing' where all of my cousins who live in the area get together. 

Somewhere along the way I will again apologize for the state of my house and express that I just don't have the ambition to put it back together today.  And I will wrestle an octopus Smiley Girl off of the kitchen counter for the eighteen hundredth time this morning.  We will talk about the fact that it is April first and that there are snowflakes in the air.  We might chat about our husbands, our children, plans for the upcoming week, anything that comes to mind.

And then as the kids settle into quiet play we both might opens our hearts a bit.  I would tell you that I am battling a lot of anxiety and uncertainty these days and that I am finding that holidays seem to make it worse.  I might tell you that I am struggling with trying to balance all of the roles that I fill, probably taking a minute to express that my brother was here all weekend and that I barely connected with him.  I would also tell you that TDM and I are too busy running our own directions to really connect and that it feels like we aren't on the same page about anything lately.  I would tell you that my parents are getting older and that I don't know how to wrap my mind around all that that means.

I would tell you that I fear what my children are learning from all of this craziness and that my deepest desire for them is to know Jesus and want to demonstrate a love for His people and that I am failing at teaching them.  I would tell you that I don't have a clue the last time that I sat down and actually talked to Miss E and just listened to what is on her mind. 

I would probably tell you that I am fighting the urge to quit attending church because I don't feel like I get anything from it at this stage of my life.  Racing to get everyone there, frustrated and all too often angry by the time I arrive, reminded of all of the things that I fail to do while I'm there, afraid/unable to relax into worship and then boom! it's over and time to race to pick up the kids from their classes and run onto whatever comes next in our day.  Never enough time to connect or converse with any one person let alone with God or my husband.

And hopefully, at this point, you would encourage me to find some time to spend with God.  Whether it is five second call for help while I'm 'alone' in the bathroom or an hour of pouring out my heart and seeking Him through His word. 

After some tears I would probably tell you that I don't feel like there are many in my family who really 'get' where I am in life.  Everything that I do in life revolves around two amazing little girls and making sure that they have what they need to equip them for this life.  If they don't have adequate rest, it boils down to me not managing our schedules well.  If they aren't feeling well, my world stops while I care for them.  And all too often I feel that I have to defend my position to the world, and sometimes to those I love. 

At this point, I will probably attempt to lighten the mood by making a wise crack about me being crazy or needing to be committed.  But you will probably see through that pain.  And I will have to remove Smiley Girl from the latest mountain that she has climbed and make some silly remark about how fast the kid can climb.  By now the Miss E will be needing some focused attention from her momma.  We will try to finish talking but there is never enough time before a meltdown to say everything that wants to be said and the magic few minutes of sharing my heart will have been lost.

I would give you a hug, thank you for listening, promise to be the listener for you next time and wish you a wonderful rest of the day while my too tired children clamor for my attention in the background and I calculate the best way to get them to sleep and possibly sneak in a nap of my own.

Thanks for stopping by and encouraging me today!