Flashing Lights and a Shiny Badge

Are you ready for the shocker of all shockers? 

I am a selfish, self seeking, self important woman.

I think of myself way more often than I think of other people.  And I like it that way.  At least I tell myself that I do.

I mean, I know that underneath it all there is a woman clamoring for more Jesus, more grace, more love. 

But I get stuck on me. 

And sometimes that dwelling on me leads me toward a pity party.  And at times that party begins to take on colossal proportions.  Like when a kid throws a party with a few friends and it quickly grows into something unmanageable.  That's the kind of party that I host for me. 

It's ugly.

But it's the truth.

And so I have found myself at that party a quite a lot lately.  And I haven't really known how to tear myself away from it.  Because the bigger the party became the smaller God's voice was getting.  I don't like that place but I land there far too often.

But then I stumbled across Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all of my fears."

And my thoughts couldn't grasp the fullness of that verse for several days.  But as I lay in bed last night, listening to Psalms play on my phone I heard that verse again.  And I was reminded that my mind and heart have been trying to work through some things but that the party was happening too loudly for me to do so.

I continued listening into Psalm 35:1 "Contend, Lord, with those who contend against me;  Fight those who fight against me."

And a specific person and situation came to mind and I found myself thinking "Yep, contend with that Lord.  They have fought me.  They are your enemies because I have made them mine."

Yes, I am that selfish.  And it hurts to reveal that here.

But then, as loudly as if He were standing in the room the Lord said to me "They are my children too.  I love them just as I love you.  Your fight isn't with them - it is with sin.  Love them."

And if that doesn't shut down a party faster than flashing lights and a shiny badge I don't know what would.

They are His.  I am His.  We are on the same side of the issue that matters.  I have just gotten bogged down in details and, well, in ME.

The brilliance of Psalm 34:4 is incredible.  "I sought the Lord..."  His voice had to be larger than the 'me party'...and the only way to do that was to get into His word. 

Such a simple thing.  A thing that I have learned over and over and over again, yet somehow forget again and again.

Love them because God does. 

He answered and delivered me.

Because He loves me too.