The Unbelief of Planning
I don't know if I have ever brought it to your attention on this blog...
Or if you have ever picked up on it by actually knowing me...
<long pause>
I'm a planner.
As in, I look forward to sitting down with a pen and paper, charting out my day, week, month or year. I LIKE to write things down and see them neatly organized on paper. I LIKE to know what is coming and I LIKE to make a plan that can be stuck to.
As a young girl I can remember being upset, VERY upset, that my family could never 'make a plan'. I pondered what was wrong with our family - because 'normal' people make plans and then they DO them. Right?
I tell you this because God has been working with me on the very subject of planning.
And executing.
<gulp>
So, way back in June I sat down with my trusty calendar and figured out three weekends that we could be at Camp Barakel this fall. In my head, these dates were cemented and nothing was going to stop us from being there. They were on the calendar, after all!
And then fall arrived. And with it came several things -
Some good - like an opportunity for TDM to be involved in a Lumberjack weekend at another camp - essentially a 'Man Camp', run by men, for men. Men cutting trees together as they worship God in the beauty of nature. Neat idea. Neat opportunity. But it fell on a set-in-stone Barakel weekend.
Some not so good - like Smiley Girl cutting LOTS of teeth and finding comfort only with me. I had planned and prayed that she would be completely weaned by the first of September so that it would be easier for both her and my parents who would be staying with the kids during our Barakel weekends. The complete opposite happened. Instead of gradually weaning, she began demanding me more. It hasn't been pretty.
We spent last weekend at Barakel and it was tough! On Smiley Girl, on my parents and honestly, on me. All weekend I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. That frustrated me! Being at Barakel has always been a wonderful feeling. This weekend I really struggled. And knowing that my children weren't having an easy time of it made it harder.
Early Sunday morning I asked God to show me what to do - and his answer was abundantly clear. He showed me that I have my feet firmly planted in two places and there is only room for my feet to be in one place right now.
My feet - both of them - belong with my kids.
After realizing my failure to realize this before, I mentally adjusted the plans for this fall and decided that one of my 'lines in sand' had to be giving up attending the Ladies retreat. We are still on the schedule for another weekend in October but I am praying that God will show us exactly how to deal with that, either by sending a friend to work with TDM or by allowing Smiley Girl to be at a better place in terms of the whole teething and needing mama thing.
So, tough as it was, I made the call to cancel my reservation for the Ladies Retreat yesterday. And then later in the day I sat down with my devotional book and was amazed by what was written for yesterday:
From Jesus Calling, September 17:
YOU WILL NOT FIND MY PEACE by engaging in excessive planning: attempting to control what will happen to you in the future. That is a commonly practiced form of unbelief. When your mind spins with multiple plans, Peace may sometimes seem to be within your grasp; yet it always eludes you. Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.
I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything to My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace.
Lord, forgive my unbelief where it comes to your plan for our family!
Or if you have ever picked up on it by actually knowing me...
<long pause>
I'm a planner.
As in, I look forward to sitting down with a pen and paper, charting out my day, week, month or year. I LIKE to write things down and see them neatly organized on paper. I LIKE to know what is coming and I LIKE to make a plan that can be stuck to.
As a young girl I can remember being upset, VERY upset, that my family could never 'make a plan'. I pondered what was wrong with our family - because 'normal' people make plans and then they DO them. Right?
I tell you this because God has been working with me on the very subject of planning.
And executing.
<gulp>
So, way back in June I sat down with my trusty calendar and figured out three weekends that we could be at Camp Barakel this fall. In my head, these dates were cemented and nothing was going to stop us from being there. They were on the calendar, after all!
And then fall arrived. And with it came several things -
Some good - like an opportunity for TDM to be involved in a Lumberjack weekend at another camp - essentially a 'Man Camp', run by men, for men. Men cutting trees together as they worship God in the beauty of nature. Neat idea. Neat opportunity. But it fell on a set-in-stone Barakel weekend.
Some not so good - like Smiley Girl cutting LOTS of teeth and finding comfort only with me. I had planned and prayed that she would be completely weaned by the first of September so that it would be easier for both her and my parents who would be staying with the kids during our Barakel weekends. The complete opposite happened. Instead of gradually weaning, she began demanding me more. It hasn't been pretty.
We spent last weekend at Barakel and it was tough! On Smiley Girl, on my parents and honestly, on me. All weekend I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. That frustrated me! Being at Barakel has always been a wonderful feeling. This weekend I really struggled. And knowing that my children weren't having an easy time of it made it harder.
Early Sunday morning I asked God to show me what to do - and his answer was abundantly clear. He showed me that I have my feet firmly planted in two places and there is only room for my feet to be in one place right now.
My feet - both of them - belong with my kids.
After realizing my failure to realize this before, I mentally adjusted the plans for this fall and decided that one of my 'lines in sand' had to be giving up attending the Ladies retreat. We are still on the schedule for another weekend in October but I am praying that God will show us exactly how to deal with that, either by sending a friend to work with TDM or by allowing Smiley Girl to be at a better place in terms of the whole teething and needing mama thing.
So, tough as it was, I made the call to cancel my reservation for the Ladies Retreat yesterday. And then later in the day I sat down with my devotional book and was amazed by what was written for yesterday:
From Jesus Calling, September 17:
YOU WILL NOT FIND MY PEACE by engaging in excessive planning: attempting to control what will happen to you in the future. That is a commonly practiced form of unbelief. When your mind spins with multiple plans, Peace may sometimes seem to be within your grasp; yet it always eludes you. Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.
I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything to My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace.
- Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 PETER 5:6-7
- In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. PROVERBS 16:9
- Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. PSALM 37:5
Lord, forgive my unbelief where it comes to your plan for our family!
I always new that pesky planning nonsense wasn't really a necessity....Pedro
ReplyDeleteI know you are a closet-planner Uncle Pedro! :)
ReplyDelete