You will seek me and you will find me...

It was one of the days between Christmas and New Year's when I never know what day it is. Hallmark still had the good movies, the tree was still sparkling and everyone everywhere was talking about resolutions. 

No one seems to have a clue what day of the week it is.

I have a love hate relationship with that time of year.

I love that the hustle is over. I love that work is slow and that friends are available to play. I love that the world is a little quieter for a few minutes.

But the subtle pressures start flowing. In just a few days three hundred and sixty five blank calendar days will be spread out before you - what spectacular thing will you do in the new year?

It's all about goals! Make a resolution! I could go on but you probably haven't forgotten this onslaught from just over a month ago.

As a whole there is a restlessness that settles over people to do something new, better or different. And while I do think it is a great time to reflect somehow I'm pretty sure that on the heels of celebrating the greatest gift ever given to the world we should be basking in the incredible gift that Jesus is and not what WE need to do better. 

I was trying to find something that I had written down in my bullet-ish calendar/list/planner when my eyes fell to the words I had written just a few weeks before.

As soon as I'm ready and not a day before I will show up and take care of you as I promised!  I know what I'm doing.  I have it all planned.  When you call on me, when you come and pray to me - I WILL LISTEN. When you come looking for me, you WILL find me.  Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else I'll make sure that you won't be disappointed.(Jeremiah 29:10b-14a, Laura's Version)

Hmmm.

The way the NIV writes verse 13 like this:

Over the next few days the words of that verse crossed my mind multiple times.  It had been a really hard week. My husband had made a financial decision that affected our family without counting the entire cost. I was angry and honestly worried.   In the quiet moments of the day I felt the Lord urging me to seek Him. And in the darkness of night I struggled hard. I literally felt like my sleep was filled with fighting.

Finally I broke down - and I'm boy am I not proud of how that went down.  

Me: "Fine, I'll play with YOU but only because I'm tired of playing with my friends Fear, Worry and Control. But you better come through for me because you are the LAST hope I have. So you have to do something."

God's still small voice: "You realize that you made me the very last thing on your list?"

*crickets*

Me: "Yeah, not my finest moment. Please Lord."

And immediately everything went from chaos to perfection and we lived happily ever after.

Except that isn't exactly how it happened...

I did feel more at peace.  God had this whole situation.  I didn't cause it.  But I could seek the Lord during it.  

When you seek me... When you want me more than anything else...

There is some work to do in my heart but it's a promise that He will meet me there when I'm willing to set aside the struggle and seek Him.